What You Value

I grew up in Tunisia, where summer meant everybody slowed down and stopped stressing about work.

Adults behaved like school had let out right along with the kids. The whole season felt like one long party, and nobody felt guilty for it.

In comparison, my life and business in Sedona runs on seasons. A lot of my clients come to town during certain times of the year, specifically to see me, so when Sedona empties out, my calendar empties with it. December is often dead. Much of the summer is too. And during years (like this one) when there are surrounding fires or heat waves, the traffic is even less.

For years that meant I spent June through August with background panic running at all times. I’d get obsessed with checking my income multiple times a day, and wake up at two in the morning with intense thoughts like, “What if this is it? What if August passes and I never get another client again?”

All the while, some part of me remembered those childhood summers where every adult lived like they had no care in the world.

This past summer, I leaned into that, and it had nothing to do with how much money I had.

So let's talk about value, and where we actually put it.

The Season I Used to Dread

Here’s my typical work schedule.

January through May, I’m usually slammed. May is often the busiest.

I take every ounce of work that comes my way, and by May 31^st, I’m close to burned out.

June arrives, work slows way down, and the anxiety sets in. I check my calendar constantly. I find as many side projects as I can to fill the days. I budget to the extreme because what if the clients never come back?

Summer passes and I get nothing out of it except worry.

September arrives. Clients come back. I finally let myself rest (for a few days anyway, then I’ll start dreading the next slow-down during December).

Year after year, this cycle has kept me in a state of low-grade stress. I’m either pushing too hard, or getting overwhelmed with anxiety.

I've written before about the difference between a pause and an ending. A slow season is simply a pause—a time to integrate and prepare the soil for new growth.

Everyone in Tunisia knew that, and yet it’s taken me decades to truly embrace it.

What the Fear Is Actually About

This year, I knew I needed to break the cycle.

Throughout Spring, instead of letting fear drive me into burnout, I worked hard in a sustainable way. I knew things would slow down come June, but I also knew it would be okay.

I’ve survived many things in my life, so even if, in the worst case scenario, clients didn’t come back in September, I would make it through!

Part of what helped me shed the fear was last December. As I mentioned in a previous blog, that month handed me more open time than I'm used to, and instead of filling it with busyness, I cleared out my attic. I felt such a weight lift! And it completely changed how I felt about my work moving forward.

So this summer, when the work dropped off dramatically, I let it. Instead of focusing on fear and dread, I lived my life.

I went tubing with friends. I said yes to social engagements I usually skip. I took longer hikes. I kept fine-tuning my house, one small project at a time.

Stepping back that far, allowing myself joy, let me see my work from a distance, and from there it was obvious which parts light me up and which ones don’t resonate like they used to.

HOWEVER. Being prepared for the slow season does not mean I have sacks of gold sitting around. It means I have just enough to get by, and I chose not to worry myself about it.

I have enough and whatever happens after the slow season, I know I’m strong and will persevere.

"Just enough" turned out to be plenty over the summer, because I quickly realized the thing I actually want is time.

I want more time to live and enjoy!

Yes, there’s a trade-off, because while I’m out doing things that light me up, I’m not making money.

My point in sharing is that you have a CHOICE.

For some people, earning higher amounts of money is their passion. They will structure their days to get as much work time as possible. For others, it's wanting complete control over their week, so they take a hit to their income so they can have afternoons off. And some people are passionate about living off the land, so they focus on homesteading, spending very little money on material possessions and eating only what they can grow.

None of these choices is wrong or better than the others. It all comes down to what you choose for your life, what passions make your energy sing.

But most people never sit down and decide what they value.

I want to be clear that none of this is about denying yourself. I've written before about why pleasure isn't a luxury you have to earn. The question here is narrower.

Which of your pleasures would you genuinely miss, and which ones are simply habit?

How To Get Clear On Your Values

In my coaching work, the sentence I hear more than any other is, “I don't have time.”

“We have no time for a date night.”

“I’d love to spend time with friends, but there’s no space in my week.”

Couples especially say they have no time to be anything other than two people managing a household together.

What this usually means is that the relationship isn't a priority. It gets whatever is left over after everything else gets done. So if cleaning the bathroom took up time you could’ve used to eat dinner together, then cleaning the bathroom became more important than your relationship.

I'm not saying that to scold anybody (of course I want you to have a clean toilet!). I've done it myself and neglected relationships. It’s remarkably easy to let the thing you care about most become what gets pushed aside when something else is louder and more demanding.

That's why it's important to get clear on your values (which can also be called passions).

Deciding to value something, and then making room for it on the calendar, will create more energy shifts than you expect. A good deal of my intimacy and relationship coaching is exactly this work.

And the tool I use to create the most change is The Passion Test (both for myself and for clients).

Every month I write a fresh list of things I value, things I want to do, what lights me up. For example, I might say, “I’m passionate about helping couples find greater connection with each other.”

Then I take that list and move through the process of figuring out where the energy is. What resonates most? I end the practice with my top 5 passions, so I know exactly where to focus my attention and energy.

The Passion Test doesn't tell you what you should want. Absolutely not. If your passion is, “Make as much money as I can,” or “wear luxury clothes I feel great in,” then go for it! You get to decide how to live your life, no one else.

The test simply shows you what's true for you now, which is often not what you guess (and it can change month-to-month).

That's how I discovered that a spacious summer mattered more to me than stacks of cash. I want time and freedom most of all.

Also, The Passion Test can highlight what's no longer working. If you keep telling yourself “I want to have a garden,” but you’ve always struggled to find the motivation and it ends up at the bottom of your list. Well, it’s time to accept it’s not truly what you value right now.

That’s perfectly normal and fine.

When something you've been trying to pursue stops appearing in your top five passions, that's worth knowing before you spend another month on it.

One More Thing

Our women's retreat happens this month! It’s completely booked up, which still feels a little unreal to me.

We're already working on the next one, in Costa Rica, this January. Details are coming soon. If four days somewhere warm in the middle of winter sounds like what you need, keep an eye on your inbox.

An Invitation

If you're heading into a life season that you're already bracing for, or if you're in the middle of a challenging time right now, here's what I invite you to focus on.

The fear underneath is almost always about not having enough. Whether that’s time, money, love, acceptance… It's worth finding out what enough actually means for you, because it tends to be less than you think, and it's rarely what you’ve been valuing.

Find your passions. Then give yourself permission to release what doesn't align.

You’ll discover that feeling of enough, along with so much joy.

If you'd like some help figuring out what you actually value, I'd love that. Book a FREE 15-minute discovery session with me, and we'll start there.